Tell me, how do we taste?

CHARACTER NAME: F. W. Colqhoun, AKA Colonel Ives
CHARACTER SERIES: Ravenous

[OOC]

Backtagging: Yes please!
Threadhopping: With good reason
Fourthwalling: Yeah, like anyone's seen his canon
Offensive subjects (elaborate): I'm good with most things, although smut isn't that interesting

[IC]

Hugging this character: He might bite . . .
Kissing this character: He will bite.
Flirting with this character: He doesn't mind flirting, and is even somewhat vulgar--for his time period. Just don't get too close.
Fighting with this character: A good way to get someone killed.
Injuring this character (include limits and severity): He's highly resistant to harm, so injuring him would be difficult, but feel free to try. Nothing permanent, though.
Killing this character: Again, difficult to harm--and he's usually the one doing the killing. Plus, I like the bastard too much. So nah.
Using telepathy/mind reading abilities on this character: Only if you really want to see the mind of a cynical, insane wendigo. Plus, even the mun isn't sure what he's thinking sometimes.
Using aura reading/soulgazing: Have a frozen, emaciated werewolf thing with horns! Thorny crown and colonel uniform optional.

Warnings: . . . he's a wendigo. If you're human he'll either want to eat you or make you into another wendigo, but probably eat you.

He's also very cynical about religion and everything related to religion, considering Christians to be nothing but cannibals in better outfits and having some deeply disturbing thoughts about things like Communion and the Crucifixion. He seems to think of himself almost as some dark Messiah, a god that devours the unworthy--that is to say, almost everyone.

As an added bonus, he is a strange mix of highly patriotic and deeply embittered about the expansion of America: he happily refers to colonialism as one country eating another and believes that his nature is the nature of society in general. As far as he's concerned, the theft of the natives' land and the Mexican-American War are cannibal cults writ large, and who is he to go against it?

All in all he is a terrible person and you should run for your lives.

(His canon also includes references to lethal illnesses, suicidal thoughts and various other nasty things.)
 

 *The stream where Ives prefers to swim is cold, even in the heat of summer. Unnaturally so, perhaps. At its bank lays a cave, and there his secrets hide.

*The cave is mostly filled with bones. Skulls, jaws, fingers, the occasional arm or leg bone sucked clean of marrow. More complete skeletons deeper in, showing how his food preferences have evolved over time--or perhaps he simply learned more recipes.

*In the back of the cave, where the old bodies are deepest, a tree has grown. It exits through a hole in the roof that was undeniably carved by human hands--or what most people would call human, at least, no matter what their owner had to say on the matter.

*A farmer could tell you that the tree is an apple tree. The superstitious would have reason to think it the very tree of good and evil knowledge that doomed mankind to die. If so, however, it came from a most sinister Eden.

*Ives, being what he is, sees nothing wrong with sitting against the tree and eating the apples. They are by far the best he's ever eaten.*

 *Ives is a frightening man, even to his friends. It's a good thing that he does in fact want to make friends in his way. If he didn't . . . well, there would be that many more dead people in the world.

*Said friends know this, of course. He has found in his long life that honesty makes for better friendships. Which may explain why people he is friendly towards tend to have more nightmares than the average.

*Nightmares like this . . .*

 *Ives was enjoying himself quite a bit. Looking to catch his prey before someone else could get to it was a very fun game, and he had all sorts of lovely ideas about what to do when he found it . . .

*The best method of hunting was always to make the prey come to you, in Ives' opinion. When it came to prey like this, that meant bait--and the best bait for a petty monster like this one was poor, sad, pathetic Colqhoun.*

Is there anyone out here? I'm lost . . .